It was only when I was writing this message when I fully realized what I wanted to talk about.
The word "distance" came to mind when I wrote the sentence above and I started babbling. Consequence: I wrote this whole message again and I hope this time it will make more sense. For myself and you :-).
So the title is, as you can read, "the balance". I think it's a metaphore to understand better how relationships work. Different cases, including my own, made me think about the correlation between closeness and distance. I think there can't be any 'good' closeness in a relationship without experiencing distance, and likewise for 'good' distance. I think also that a relationship has to have both. Closeness you need, for feeling loved, for feeling accepted, for getting aknowledged, for being truly who you are. Distance you need, to make your own mistakes, your success, your dreams, and so on. Who can say he'd never wanted to be alone for a moment, of didn't enjoy the moment when his loved ones left him alone at the house, watching TV, working in the garden, while no one was around? So these two things, closeness and distance, I believe are very necessary to have a healthy relationship.
But most important of all, I believe that there has to be a good balance between those two. No one can feel well when he of she is strangled by the other, having no space at all. No one can feel happy when the other is too far away all the time, literally or in the mind. When the balance is flipped over to one side, it 's hard to get it back in balance. But you can work it out when you
both work on it. It's not possible for a person to change by himself, he always needs someone else to help one way or another. To get him back on the right place on that balance. An example maybe? A friend of mine was recently left by his girl. Although there's a lot I don't know, I know the boy's balance flips over to the closeness. Very. The girl at first appreciated it, (don't we all, girls?), she went along and did the same, but in time she realized she wanted some space and it was hard for the boy to see. She left him. Is that a wise decision? I can't say, but I don't think that boy can change when nobody tells him, when nobody is by his side to slap his fingers when he's bad.
I realize that this balance can differ between different couples, friends, or profesionnal relationships, but it all comes back to the same balance.
Another characteristic of this balance, is the different views it offers. Not only can the other person be the problem (too close, too far away), it is also you. Example: me and my boyfriend, it didn't work out the way I wanted, but I kept it for myself. I told myself I wanted to see if he really understood me, that he could see something's wrong. And he didn't. It became harder and harder for me to feel close to him and I put more and more distance between us. Until the moment came we couldn't ignore it any longer, and we talked. Suddenly, but definitely not easily, we were put back on the right track. Or the right balance, as you prefer.
We both ignored each other's feelings, and the distance became wider and wider. If we would've waited too long, our balance, our bridge to each other, would totally snap. Then there's no way back. It's over. Nothing left to say.
I do believe that the other way round, when two people sacrifice their space to be with each other, it can have the same effect, although the metaphore of the balance doesn't really show this. With no room for your own dreams, your existence only depending on the other, your life is not whole. Not everyone will be needing a whole life, or maybe not now. But it would be a pity, I think.
I don't know what the meaning is of this message I just wrote. I hope it can be useful to you when you look at your relationships with people. I don't have the pretension to write a universal rule. It's just a frame to think from.
When you don't agree, please tell, cuz I like my opinion contradicted.
But most important of all, I believe that there has to be a good balance between those two. No one can feel well when he of she is strangled by the other, having no space at all. No one can feel happy when the other is too far away all the time, literally or in the mind. When the balance is flipped over to one side, it 's hard to get it back in balance. But you can work it out when you both work on it. It's not possible for a person to change by himself, he always needs someone else to help one way or another. To get him back on the right place on that balance. An example maybe? A friend of mine was recently left by his girl. Although there's a lot I don't know, I know the boy's balance flips over to the closeness. Very. The girl at first appreciated it, (don't we all, girls?), she went along and did the same, but in time she realized she wanted some space and it was hard for the boy to see. She left him. Is that a wise decision? I can't say, but I don't think that boy can change when nobody tells him, when nobody is by his side to slap his fingers when he's bad.
Another characteristic of this balance, is the different views it offers. Not only can the other person be the problem (too close, too far away), it is also you. Example: me and my boyfriend, it didn't work out the way I wanted, but I kept it for myself. I told myself I wanted to see if he really understood me, that he could see something's wrong. And he didn't. It became harder and harder for me to feel close to him and I put more and more distance between us. Until the moment came we couldn't ignore it any longer, and we talked. Suddenly, but definitely not easily, we were put back on the right track. Or the right balance, as you prefer.
I do believe that the other way round, when two people sacrifice their space to be with each other, it can have the same effect, although the metaphore of the balance doesn't really show this. With no room for your own dreams, your existence only depending on the other, your life is not whole. Not everyone will be needing a whole life, or maybe not now. But it would be a pity, I think.
