It was only when I was writing this message when I fully realized what I wanted to talk about.
The word "distance" came to mind when I wrote the sentence above and I started babbling. Consequence: I wrote this whole message again and I hope this time it will make more sense. For myself and you :-).
So the title is, as you can read, "the balance". I think it's a metaphore to understand better how relationships work. Different cases, including my own, made me think about the correlation between closeness and distance. I think there can't be any 'good' closeness in a relationship without experiencing distance, and likewise for 'good' distance. I think also that a relationship has to have both. Closeness you need, for feeling loved, for feeling accepted, for getting aknowledged, for being truly who you are. Distance you need, to make your own mistakes, your success, your dreams, and so on. Who can say he'd never wanted to be alone for a moment, of didn't enjoy the moment when his loved ones left him alone at the house, watching TV, working in the garden, while no one was around? So these two things, closeness and distance, I believe are very necessary to have a healthy relationship.
But most important of all, I believe that there has to be a good balance between those two. No one can feel well when he of she is strangled by the other, having no space at all. No one can feel happy when the other is too far away all the time, literally or in the mind. When the balance is flipped over to one side, it 's hard to get it back in balance. But you can work it out when you
both work on it. It's not possible for a person to change by himself, he always needs someone else to help one way or another. To get him back on the right place on that balance. An example maybe? A friend of mine was recently left by his girl. Although there's a lot I don't know, I know the boy's balance flips over to the closeness. Very. The girl at first appreciated it, (don't we all, girls?), she went along and did the same, but in time she realized she wanted some space and it was hard for the boy to see. She left him. Is that a wise decision? I can't say, but I don't think that boy can change when nobody tells him, when nobody is by his side to slap his fingers when he's bad.
I realize that this balance can differ between different couples, friends, or profesionnal relationships, but it all comes back to the same balance.
Another characteristic of this balance, is the different views it offers. Not only can the other person be the problem (too close, too far away), it is also you. Example: me and my boyfriend, it didn't work out the way I wanted, but I kept it for myself. I told myself I wanted to see if he really understood me, that he could see something's wrong. And he didn't. It became harder and harder for me to feel close to him and I put more and more distance between us. Until the moment came we couldn't ignore it any longer, and we talked. Suddenly, but definitely not easily, we were put back on the right track. Or the right balance, as you prefer.
We both ignored each other's feelings, and the distance became wider and wider. If we would've waited too long, our balance, our bridge to each other, would totally snap. Then there's no way back. It's over. Nothing left to say.
I do believe that the other way round, when two people sacrifice their space to be with each other, it can have the same effect, although the metaphore of the balance doesn't really show this. With no room for your own dreams, your existence only depending on the other, your life is not whole. Not everyone will be needing a whole life, or maybe not now. But it would be a pity, I think.
I don't know what the meaning is of this message I just wrote. I hope it can be useful to you when you look at your relationships with people. I don't have the pretension to write a universal rule. It's just a frame to think from.
When you don't agree, please tell, cuz I like my opinion contradicted.
But most important of all, I believe that there has to be a good balance between those two. No one can feel well when he of she is strangled by the other, having no space at all. No one can feel happy when the other is too far away all the time, literally or in the mind. When the balance is flipped over to one side, it 's hard to get it back in balance. But you can work it out when you both work on it. It's not possible for a person to change by himself, he always needs someone else to help one way or another. To get him back on the right place on that balance. An example maybe? A friend of mine was recently left by his girl. Although there's a lot I don't know, I know the boy's balance flips over to the closeness. Very. The girl at first appreciated it, (don't we all, girls?), she went along and did the same, but in time she realized she wanted some space and it was hard for the boy to see. She left him. Is that a wise decision? I can't say, but I don't think that boy can change when nobody tells him, when nobody is by his side to slap his fingers when he's bad.
Another characteristic of this balance, is the different views it offers. Not only can the other person be the problem (too close, too far away), it is also you. Example: me and my boyfriend, it didn't work out the way I wanted, but I kept it for myself. I told myself I wanted to see if he really understood me, that he could see something's wrong. And he didn't. It became harder and harder for me to feel close to him and I put more and more distance between us. Until the moment came we couldn't ignore it any longer, and we talked. Suddenly, but definitely not easily, we were put back on the right track. Or the right balance, as you prefer.
I do believe that the other way round, when two people sacrifice their space to be with each other, it can have the same effect, although the metaphore of the balance doesn't really show this. With no room for your own dreams, your existence only depending on the other, your life is not whole. Not everyone will be needing a whole life, or maybe not now. But it would be a pity, I think.
Het was een koele winteravond. Ik dacht kom, ik heb zin in wat goeie vooruitzichten en ik nam mijn nog ongebruikte Lenormand-kaarten bij me. Dat zijn kaarten die, in tegenstelling tot tarotkaarten, veel meer toekomstgericht zijn. Van al die bijkomende zever over je openstellen voor energie en krachtvelden in de kamer geloof ik niet veel. Maar zo was er de voorspelling dat ik in mijn nabije toekomst een bericht zou krijgen dat me erg blij zou maken. En ja hoor, de volgende dag toen ik wakker werd, zat het welkome bericht in mijn inbox: mijn lens en flits waren gearriveerd in de winkel! Te verwachten? Natuurlijk.
Ik kwam voorbij enkele foto's en filmpjes van een lange tijd geleden en ik kon het niet helpen. Ik zit in een nostalgische bui. Even kwam weer alles naar boven hoe ik vroeger was, onbezorgd maar net zo onstabiel, cool maar onzeker. Werchter en rockbands, zo veel mogelijk uitsteken zonder betrapt te worden, kussen zonder gevolgen en een paar keer vet op je smoel gaan.
De andere aankoop die ik ga doen en die het grootste deel van m'n budget gaat beslagen is een flits! Belangrijk: 't is er één die ik zelf kan instellen :-). Anders krijg je van die overbelichte atmosferen en dat is nu net wat ik wil vermijden. Misschien zal ik ook een flitskapje toevoegen aan het winkelmandje indien dat toch nodig blijkt te zijn. Mijn oog is gevallen op de Canon Speedlite 430 EX, dat zou moeten volstaan!
En zo hebben we weer bewezen hoe een lid van deze samenleving deel uitmaakt van de consumentenmaatschappij, een maatschappij waar we nu dus heel mooie foto's van kunnen maken. Misschien :-)
Ik weet nog dat ik vroeger in het middelbaar twee echt heel goeie vriendinnen had, Dorien en Marianne. Ik denk dat er geen moment voorbij gegaan is zonder dat we aan 't gieren van 't lachen waren, dat alles zo zonder zorgen was. Dat het enige waar je aan hoefde te twijfelen, jezelf was. Ik weet nog hoe we in 't zesde jaar alle deuren van de meisjestoiletten op slot gedaan hadden en dat heel de agora volstond met wachtende meisjes! We waren alle hokjes binnengegaan, het slot toegedraaid en dan langs boven er weer uit geklommen. En wij, stiekem, in de agora zittend, stilzwijgend vergaan vanbinnen, alle moeite van de wereld doen om niet luidop te brullen van 't lachen.
Dit jaar is een jaar waarin ik mezelf heel wat voornemens maak. Daarom bestaan eindejaarsperiodes immers: het einde van iets impliceert een nieuw begin! Een nieuw begin impliceert een nieuwe kans om van dit jaar iets meer te maken dan het vorige jaar. Een einde gaat ook over een moment stilstaan bij wat je de afgelopen tijd hebt gedaan en welke dingen je nog wenst. Op mijn vroegere hogeschool noemden zoiets de werkelijke situatie en de gewenste situatie, met de bedoeling de weg tussen deze twee punten uit te stippelen. Zonder weliswaar de haalbaarheid van de gewenste situatie niet te vergeten.
Een wijdverspreid misverstand... dat Tarotkaarten de toekomst zouden kunnen voorspellen. Preposterous, ain't it? Ieder greintje redelijkheid in mijn lijf is immers geneigd om zo'n uitspraak te verwerpen. Hoe kunnen die kaarten in Gods naam weten hoe mijn toekomst eruit ziet?
